Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Four minutes until I can fart!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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