Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
