i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
