So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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