Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
As shirtless as possible
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
