Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
