in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
This toilet bowl is my home.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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