Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
