apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
