he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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