this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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