nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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