I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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