We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
