i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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