i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
