I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
