dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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