if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
