i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
