Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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