And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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