so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
