What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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