I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
