You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
