you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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