dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
