shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
