Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
