I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
