Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
