Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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