I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
being pregnant is like rehab
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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