I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
