I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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