I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
