Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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