There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
