Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
