Im at strip club and am horny
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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