I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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