if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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