dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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