Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
