i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
