once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
