Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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