oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
why do cheetos always look like penises
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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