five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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