these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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