I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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