like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
my shit smells like andre
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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