3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
