you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
