apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
