So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
